no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
