I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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