just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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