i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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