I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
