i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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