im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
