My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just cropdusted the office
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
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