I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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