They should really pass out barf bags in church
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
