I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
