It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
