Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
