Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
