Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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