How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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