guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize