Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
