well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
