Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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