you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he was CRYING into my vagina
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
