i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
