i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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