He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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