I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
