Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
