yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
