So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
