my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
