I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize