The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
