I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize