I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
