I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
