Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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