hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
