He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
