I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
