I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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