why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
