I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
