Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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