He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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