addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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