Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
id be glad to
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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