Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Holy shit dude........stairs
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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