He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
