The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize