Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
