every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
