Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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