when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize