the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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