Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
