you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
