PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
