it's great music for shaving your balls
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
