Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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