OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
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