Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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