Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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