i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
