...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
This is my gift to your gina
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
