How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
When did angry sex become our thing?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
