I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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