fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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