i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
