I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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