my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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