I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
