i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
