Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
