i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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