Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
