I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
why is half of my head shaved?
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