I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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