This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
