I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
