Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
