He felt like a one man threesome
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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